you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She's the barista slut.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
