If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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