I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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