HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
