I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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