youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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