I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
