u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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