How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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