I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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