But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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