I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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