i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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