I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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