Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
