Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
