Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
