He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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