shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
