Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
