oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
