you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's rum buckets o'clock
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
