Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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