i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
vagina is talking i cant
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
