Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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