The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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