Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
