I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
