it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
