mondays should just be called national damage control day
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
