I seem to have left my pride at pride
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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