How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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