She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
