bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
