Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
home. puking in laundry basket.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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