I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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