i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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