I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
