Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
