and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
