I cockslap morals
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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