We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
