i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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