I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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