don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
