i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
