So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
