You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
