i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
