So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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