whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
