So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
