Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
