we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
